"Turning my memories
Hoping to find out
where all the loyalty's gone
The friends that I had then
Turned into strangers
Thinking of you all along
If you see me now
You won't see me alone..."
The Holidays are now over. It is now a new year and it's time for people to feel less lazy by re-setting their goals and making new ones, only for them to be left unaccomplished and leaving that person feeling miserable about how they didn't really accomplish anything this year and that this year sucked and they will try better next year.
However, we all know that it just goes in a cycle and what people don't really focus on is the positive things that had happened to them in the last year. They always build up the negative aspects of it all and remember them and use it against themselves. Then they take it all out on the 'year' like it did something to them, however it's the choices one makes that can make a year go terribly wrong, or delightfully good.
The past year I can tell you I have changed so much. Once being a shy young boy just moving to Polson, I matured so much in this past year. From the mid of my senior year to this very point right now. I have undergone things that I wouldn't have even excepted!
The only reason why I'm bringing this up now, is because it wasn't until I got back to my hometown on the first day, that I realized how much I have changed. I saw some old friends, old classmates, old teachers. I looked at them and I watched them. That's when I took a step back and really watched them. I listened to their stories, trying to impress me because I'm now a college kid and they are still in High School, adults were trying to talk to me like I was a grown up now, my friends didn't feel the same...
I mean that in the way that I feel like I have out grown my friends here in Polson. Not like a pair of jeans that you just throw in the back of your closet, even though that's pretty much what happened. I just now know why I did. Because they are like a pair of jeans, like your favorite pair of jeans in the whole wide world. You wear them all the time because they make you feel lucky and good, they keep you safe and you have the best of times in them. They have been through a lot with you. They have wear and tear and patched up holes etc. But then there comes that time when they become to short or maybe too tight for you, and you know, no matter how much you love them, you have to just let them go.
That's what it is like now for me. This town was a pair of jeans, my friends were a pair of jeans, my old life was a pair of jeans. No matter how much I loved them, not all the time but most of it, they just didn't feel the same when I put them back on again. I had moved on and found a new pair of jeans that made me feel even better than what the old ones did.
I can't help that I've changed in the past months since I moved to college, it happens though. I don't fit in this small town, not like I did to begin with, but I don't seem to have anything in common with my friends here anymore. They have moved on with their lives and so have I, and I have found something just as good maybe better in Missoula.
I also realized how much I hate it being here... no wonder why I was on facebook all the effing time! I seemed to have developed this new relationship with my computer and I should start calling it honey and pooh bear. It's quite amazing how boring it is here. It doesn't help that all my “friends” here are still in high school, or they are gone somewhere else for college. It doesn't leave you much to do besides sit at home alone surfing tumblr.
However, this has been a great past year! With my much needed change in surroundings, my new friends, my new life, I have been through a lot these past months, and I have loved every single bit of it. It seems like I'm working on getting closer to who I really am and where I belong in this crazy world.
Missoula is the first step, as says Momma Jade! And I believe her, it's the first step towards life as being me, and I can't wait to get more of it!
XX
JW
