“He nods, as if to acknowledge that
endings are almost always a little sad, even when there is something
to look forward to on the other side.”
~Emily Griffin, Love the One You're
with
It's weird to be
writing this right now. To know soon that everyone will be on their
seperate ways. Some of us going back to our little houses back home
in the towns where we grew up. Some moving into different small towns
to find new beginnings for their selves—to do right for themselves
once and for all. While others settle down in their new surroundings
in the same place, with old friends and new friends to come.
I say it feels
weird because it feels like this whole time went by so fast. It also
went very slow as well. I am getting a weird feeling because I know
that next year, when I return, same as ever or drastically changed, I
will not be seeing the same people I have in the past year. This is
our season finale, and I don't know how it's going to end yet since
it hasn't happened. All I do know though is that the ride that I have
had with the people here in this town has forever changed the way I
will ever look at not only the world but myself.
I know that all
sounds super super cliché, but it's very true. I haven't felt
this variety of emotions so fast ever in my life. It was like all the
emotions I ever felt through my life back home were all here and I
was feeling all of them at a very small amount of time. I know I am
not alone in this, but I can say if it weren't for half the people
here, I don't know where I'd be.
I experienced my
first everything here. My first time with Molly, my first acid trip,
my first drunk black out, my first time having sex, my first time
feeling like I had friends, my first time watching some ridiculous
movies, my first time smoking pot, my first time going to a rave. I
could go on and on, but I don't think I will bore you with the
details.
However, if there
is one thing I can take away from all of this, it's knowing that I am
slowly finding out who I am and that I will never know where my road
is going to take me. I could be stumbling down the road drunk with
friends laughing, or in my bed crying over some douche bag of a guy.
I do know that the future holds a huge freaking torch compared to the
candle that was burning at the end of this year.
I am sad that I
will not be seeing certain people after I leave, and but I know that
everything really does happen for a reason. One of the only other
things I learned with all of these wonderful people and this amazing
place. Whether our paths cross again or not, everyone I have met
here, has a special place in my heart, no matter what happens.
To sum this up,
I'm going to say somethings to some people that need to be said:
Kat: You and I have
gone through our differences. Our weird ups and downs, but over all,
you and I have had a kick-ass time from our trips to Mordor to our
trips up to South Hills to just over look the city and talk. I want
you to know, no matter how much you talking about sunshine annoyed
me, I loved that you could talk to me and I want you to know, even
though you aren't coming back next year, I will always cherish our
memories. Keep in contact Chola!
Nick: You had a
rough time here, but every time I saw you and we were hanging with
everyone, you always had a smile on your face and was looking towards
the best. I applaud you for that. I want you to know I was glad you
opened up to me while you were drunk that Sunday night at Mikes
Memorial service. I'm only sad that I won't be able to talk with you
more about stuff and I hope you know that you will always have
friends here in Montana.
Mike: I know, I
know, you are gone and this is weird to talk to someone you isn't
living anymore in a blog post but dude, I love you. Stay peaceful up
there and I miss the freaking crap out of you! Please watch over
everyone as the year ends and make sure everyone is okay. I know you
will but it's the only thing I ask of you know.
Keegan: You my
friend, or ex-friend or whatever you wanna call our relationship,
have been an amazing friend. From the first time I met you in Jake's
garage to our very fun Valentine's day and everything between and
after that. I'm only sad that we don't talk anymore and I know it
will never be the same between us again, but I want you to know I
have only respect for you. And a little annoyance, but hey, I'm sure
I was the same way to you. Know that just because things didn't work
out with a lot of us this year, that there will be others to show you
the way and to comfort you like how we tried. You are never alone
even if it seems like it. There is always someone that knows what you
are going through and if you ever just want to talk, call me bro.
Sydney: I know we
aren't as good of friends anymore as we were at the beginning of the
year, but I will never forget you. Your sex humor and constant
horny-ness always made my day. I know we had a bad falling out but
maybe someday we can be friends again. If not, that's okay, but I
want you to know that I do love you boo, and I always will!
Josh: Let's be
honest, you were my first time and I know that's a lot of information
to be putting in a blog but it needs to happen. You probably will
never see this but that's okay. I'm sorry that I was never there for
you before or after. I guess I was just young and immature. It's only
an excuse I know but I didn't want to get close to you for some
reason. I didn't want my heart to break so I used you then left. I'm
really not that type of person but hey, it happened. I'm sorry that
you have been going through so much and that I was never there for
when you needed to talk. I hope life looks up for you later on in the
year. Stay amazing.
There are a bunch
of other people I want to talk to in this blog but it's not the time
nor place for that or them. They don't belong here like these people
do. Even if they don't ever read this or see this, at least it's out
there for them to see and to think about.
This year is about
over and we are all packing and busy with finals, but I know that
even after we all leave, we will never forget the love we all have
for each other. That is what keeps me living this life day by day.
Knowing that I have people out there that really do care for me.
In the words of
crazy and wise fiction writer Chuck Palahniuk (or Chucky P.) “The
feeling is less like an ending than just another starting point.”
That's exactly
what all of this is. It's not the end of the year or of friendships,
but the starting point of new ones to enter and the others to
continue. It's the starting point of new challenges for us all and
you just have to look through to the end and know that no matter
what, everything will be okay, even if it doesn't feel that way.
XX
JW
