Wide Awake

“Falling from cloud 9,

Crashing from the high,

I'm letting go tonight.

Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9.

I'm wide awake.”

~Katy Perry 'Wide Awake'

Summer has now begun, and we will go on with our lives as if the past year has never happened. As if it was just another year in our lives that came and went. However, for many of us, we are still stuck in that year. Stuck in the memories of feeling truly happy because of friends and experiences that made our lives feel great, even if it was for a brief moment. That is where I'm stuck. I know that is where a lot of others are stuck as well.

Coming back to a place you used to call home isn't the same. It is the old and you feeling you are only taking giant steps back from where you were in your life. That's what happened when I first walked in through my door of my small smurf blue house. I looked at the peeling paint of the white door, the old wooden steps painted hunter green, and I knew that I didn't actually want to be here. The first couple of days were great, but then I noticed something.

I am alone here. I would like to say I'm not, that I still have old friends but the truth is, I've moved on and so have they. I don't feel the same around them, I knew that when I came back for winter break. I have grown in a new direction and they are starting to as well. It makes me want to cry to be honest. It has made me cry, actually.

I am not the same person I was when I first left this little tourist town. I am a new me, and it's hard coming back here and not having the same things as I did in Zoo. There aren't parties to go get trashed at, there are no friends to go on random adventures with, there aren't any cute boys to flirt with (well, if there is they are in high school or straight, or both.)

However, the thing that I'm realizing, no matter how alone I will feel this summer, I have to make it up to myself to give myself a really good summer. Even if I am alone for half or a majority of it. It's exactly what is being stated in the quote from the song by Katy Perry. She is 'falling from cloud 9', but she is waking up to the life around her. That is what I have to do. That is what we all have to do if we are stuck in this place.

So I decided, if I can be in the Zoo, I will bring the Zoo to me! I mean, I feel like I fit in enough there anyways, and I never fit in here at home. So I will bring my A game here and I will stop feeling sorry for myself. I might be alone but the one thing I still have is my sense of adventure and imagination, and if that's all I can get this summer... I will rock the shit out of it.

So with that I want you to expect a whole lot of blogs this summer. Blogs keeping you updated in my 'gay life,' play-lists with some awesome new tracks to make your summer a little bit brighter, and whatever else my little head can think of. I will be using the best of what I have to at least make something of my summer! And if that means to become a great blogger and hopefully getting more readership, then so be it!

I am wide awake, and I'm ready for summer 2012 to begin... I just hope it's ready for me ;)

XX

JW