Bad Things

"Bad things happen to the people you love
And you find yourself paying the diamond above
But honestly I've never had much sympathy
Cuz those bad things always saw them coming for me
I'm gonna run, run away, run run away, run away
Run away and never come back"~"Bad Things"- Cults
Well the weekend has come and passed. The sun seems brighter and my bed seems like the best place to be with each passing second. Yet, I ignore it. Why? At this point, I have no clue. I'm still regretting getting out of the shower this morning.

It seems that I never have a dull night. And it a night ends up being dull, it usually means we are taking a break, or just nothing is happening for us to do. However, a dull night is as rare as seeing a polar bear up in Artic (too soon?).

However, after all of these crazy nights that I seem to stumble upon, because let's be honest, I don't have the energy to look for that kind of stuff, I come back and I remember what I ran away from. Because that is what I do when nights like that happen. They don't just happen because I am in the right place at the right time, they happen because there are problems I'm running from and I don't know how to deal with it. Until I stumble upon some friends who happen to have a handle of Nikolai and I end up owning beer pong for three rounds then the cops come, I flee and then meet up with other friends.

I know, I know. Sounds like the problems of an alcoholic right? Chasing your problems with vodka is probably not the smartest.

But then you wake up the next morning, and sure you feel like shit at first. You drank a lot, it's bound to happen. You wake up and then you remember for that brief period of what seems like ever, only ending up to be four hours, you were happy and you forgot about the problems you had.

I know this all sounds sort of fucked up. But there is still beauty in getting drunk, despite the puking, dirty houses, spilt beer etc. etc.

It's when everyone around you seems to be getting into a relationship and you are left in the dark, when you are filling in for someone who is gone, while your “friends” tell you that you were a great stand in. It's when you want to be in love but the guy you are in love with is going on other dates and trying to find out who he loves.

And instead of getting lost in a book, or a television show, you end up running. And you end up running into some friends in some low places, and that is when you have a great time and are finally able to get rid of all the sadness that you feel.

I miss my best friend. I'm in love with a guy that doesn't love me back. I'm a shadow to an entire group of my so called “friends.” I am 100% alone. And I have no where to hide or run, or anyone to talk to because everyone has problems. But I need to help them out first.

That is why I drink. That is why I run. I need to be free of my own head.

I need to be free of this nagging feeling of the fact that I'm probably not going to find someone to love. That I'm going to be like my mother, alone with a dog working constantly while I wallow in shows like the bachelorette and Sons of Anarchy.

History repeats it's self my friends.

And I don't think I'm ready to face the future of that.