Summer Playlist 2011 Part Duex

1. My Body is a Cage- Arcade Fire
2. Barricade- Stars
3. Boys who Rape (Should be destroyed)- The Raveonettes
4. White Leather Pants- Lisa Papineau
5. Kids- MGMT
6. Big Girl (You are Beautiful)- Mika
7. Everlasting Light- The Black Keys
8. Edge of Glory- Lady Gaga
9. King of the Beach- Wavves
10. Boyfriend- Best Coast
11. Dashboard- Modest Mouse
12. Toxic (Cover)- 16bit

June 12, 2011: Happy Birthday...

Today was my 18th Birthday, and like almost every single birthday it was quite lame. I don't know what it is with birthday's and I. It's either really lame or has tons of drama! Like last year for example, it was a failed attempt at a surprise party (however I was mucho thankful for it and I ended up loving it) however, it was the day that was atrocious. I mean it started out the day before my birthday when a two friends suddenly changed and stabbed a bunch of us in the back. Then the next day it was guy that I feel in love with that decided to be a bitch to me.

Lets just say that it didn't end well. To be precise, it ended with me crying my eyes out and ripping up a bunch of pictures of my friends. As well as de-friending and blocking people on facebook, and you know shit's gone down if you de-friended and blocked people! So as you can see, it was just down right terrible and I wished that birthday never ever happened.

However it was 10x worse than my “sweet sixteen,” which was sadly not “sweet” at all. That birthday ended up with me playing the Sims 3, which was a birthday present from myself, all day. Yeah talk about awesome right? Wrong! I seriously wanted to just kill myself that day.

I've always dreaded my birthday ever since my 14th. They never ever go well and it is always really really dissapointing. So I knew that this birthday was going to be just as bad and boring. However on Friday I did have a good day with the girls for an early birthday celebration by going shopping, going out to lunch and being treated to “Brides Maids.”

But this thought has come to me now. Why do I even bother trying to celebrate my birthday when I know that it is just going to end up shitty like usual? Well I think it might be because I hope deep down inside that maybe it will go right and according to plan. Yet I will still despise my birthday's to come until it rightfully happens.

However, fun time that I did actually get to go driving for the first time in my life! I know, I know. A graduated 18 year old who doesn't have his license? Didn't take driver's ed? Yes, I have always been too busy to take it (in other words to lazy to actually sign up), so I just haven't done it! But today my mother finally took me out to teach me how to drive and I was fucking nervous but gradually got better and less nervous! So maybe there is something in store for my future soon!

Now a question for you! Do you have any terrible/embarrassing/happy birthday stories you would like to share? Go ahead and email me @ agaylife@hotmail.com and maybe your story will be up on my blog!

Till then...

xoxo
JW

June 6, 2011: Melodies & Desires

(Cue Lykke Li “Melodies & Desires”)
My family from Georgia left at 9:38 this morning. I didn’t think that it was going to be bad to see them go. I went inside afterwards and fell asleep watching “Moonlight Mile” with Susan Sarandon, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Dustin Hoffman. But I woke up and I needed to get out of the house; I needed to leave. I did. I grabbed my rainbow bag, stuffing in the traveling journal, my pen, “The Bell Jar”, and my keys and I left.
I walked a different route to get where I ended up.

(Cue Death Cab for Cutie “Different Names for the Same Thing”)
The sun beat down on my neck; I started to feel a sweat come across my brow as I was trying not to cry. I just couldn’t put my finger on why I just wanted to cry. Was it because my family that I actually cared about was now gone and I didn’t know when the next time I was going to see them again? Was it because I finally understood that I had graduated when I saw that big yellow bus roll by? Was it because I just needed to cry? Or for the fact that I feel like I’m changing inside? Maybe it was all these feelings wrapped up into one big crazy emotional roller coaster? I didn’t know.
However, I kept walking, knowing I had to get somewhere, somewhere where I could just relax and think about the next big steps in my life.

(Cue Mumford & Sons “Roll Away Your Stone”)
I walked past beautiful houses; yellows, pinks, purples and green rolled underneath my feet as I sped up. It was as if I was trying to runaway from something, like I was running away from my problems that had set up a battlefront in my head. I walked in front of the courthouse and saw a group of older people getting ready to protest against war.
I remember seeing these people many times before. I couldn’t help but think, “I should stop and help,” yet my feet kept on walking. It was as if something had possessed them. Yet I wanted to be there, standing next to their “Peace on Earth” sign, protesting with them. Sure people wouldn’t, or don’t, pay much attention to them, but I think at least they are doing something to help the world, doing what means a lot to them. They are creating awareness and I wanted to help!
I think I might have a calling for wanting to do things to help people. I get it from my aunt Vicki I think.
As I walked past I told myself, “Jerry, one day you will make a sign and go and stand with them to show that at least one person in this community sees what they are doing.”

(Cue Journey “Don’t Stop Believing”)
I was soon on Main Street, walking pas the Art Bistro bustling with its regular afternoon business people getting a nice lunch. It’s strange the way they knew where they wanted to go for lunch while I, a just graduated senior was walking around not quite sure where the hell he was going. No matter how many times I’ve walked around this disgustingly small town, no matter how many years I’ve been here, I still never know where my legs are going to take me.
My head was too busy still trying to figure out why I wanted to leave and why I wanted to cry so badly! So I stopped at the stoplight at the end of Main by the old Radio Shack building. I waved my hand in front of the button and barely heard the delicate bleeps over the sound that was pouring out of my earphones, hoping that it would drown out my thoughts as well as the world around me. It failed and I kept thinking.
I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and I wanted to puke. I felt as if I did, all my problems would come up with it and I would see the reason why I wanted to go so far away in the pile of vile vomit. I kept composure and walked when the little green person flashed before me.

(Cue Mystery Jets “Serotonin”)
I soon found myself on this rock, my solace from the real world by the clear water of the lake. The sun heats up my back as I sit here just writing. Hoping to find some sort of release while I spill words on to these pages, hoping now I’ll find away to realize why I wanted to be here. And now I know, no matter how much I would love to be with my friends right now, I just needed to be alone. I needed some place to relax.
I wanted to cry for so many reasons. I just need to let out this emotion and then go on with my life. I kept thinking, “Wow, I’m graduated, now what?”

(Cue The Postal Service “The District Sleeps Tonight”)
Now I need to just live and see where it takes me.
Some advice: Don’t plan everything and don’t tell everyone where you are going to be all the time.
I wonder what’s going to come next….
We’ll have to see.

xoxo
JW

Happy LGBTQ Pride Month!

This blog celebrates proudly National LGBTQ Pride Month!
Here at mylifetowelcome celebrates the equality in all human beings and we hope this National Holiday will be celebrated in many states!
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

June 4, 2011: Graduation day

Today I finally will be graduating from High School, and I can officially say I'm 100% ready. I'm ready to leave that god forsaken place they call a “school.” I’m ready to live my life as an adult-an individual of society.

I don’t know what this might bring, but I’m hoping that it will bring a summer full of fun, work and maybe even some love interests or two… however maybe not more than two… I think I’d get so confused if there were more. What can I say though? This feels like the right time. Yet, I feel that I still have so much to learn.

Since I’m not a valedictorian or anything else of high honor, I decided to write a speech specifically for myself, a speech that I would have read if I could have. Here it goes:

I can now finally say it is over. High school is now behind us all as we step forward into the new light of the real world. Now, that might seem a little scary and I was assured by many that it was, but the one thing I realized is “so-what.” High School hasn’t prepared us for the real world; if anything it had trapped us from seeing what it truly is. Also movies such as Mean Girls, Easy A, and any cliche ’80s teen drama flicks have not prepared us for what is really out there.

Now, alot of you don’t like me while others of you don’t excatly know what to think about me. I might be voted to most likely end up on the back of a milk box, I may serve under table favors for a place to eat, but if there is one thing certain that I have done at this school, I have left my fingerprints.

I have left them for others too see, to learn from, to grasp when they need help or guidence. I have left them to show everyone, “Hey, I survived this god awful place and I turned out okay.” Sure I had some trials and tribulations, but at the end of it all I am standing here, talking to you all today saying, “It get’s better.”

I would like to address somethings real quick before my time runs out. I have been bullied, cried myself to sleep countless times because of rumors or some nasty remark I was called. I have thought of suicide too many times I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count them on. I want everyone to have this wise information from one of my favorite songs from the album “One of the Boys” by pop sensation Katy Perry:
“Don’t give up, but don’t give in
Build your house on the rock
Oh, not in the sand, in the sand
In the sand, in the sand…
It’s my life and I’m not sitting
On the sidelines watching it
Pass me by, I’m leaving you my legacy
I, I gotta make my mark, I gotta run it hard
I want you to remember me.”

So everyone, I left my fingerprints and I know I will be going down in history, but are you?

June 3, 2011: A survival Guide

I should be asleep so I can get up early tomorrow for graduation practice and the senior lunch but I was trying to find my camera, which I cannot find. However, in the process, I found this journal and thought it would be a perfect journal for Delaney, Emmy, Nina and I for our traveling journal we will be doing this summer.
So I guess I’ll just discuss about my thoughts on what I’m feeling right now. It’s a mix of butterflies with excitement, nerves, and confusion. I keep thinking that I’ll soon wakeup and find myself taking more notes for Econ class. I’m really hoping that’s not the case.
This feeling though, is good! I’m ready to move on to a new place, create sort of a new life for me in college. Maybe meet a guy and fall in love for the first actual time. But who knows, a lot could happen or nothing could happen.
So since I know some of you reading are on the road to graduation, I thought I’d give you some tips for you in your senior year*.
1. If you have Schwabenbauer DO YOUR WORK! His class is honestly the hardest and he doesn’t accept late work! So DO NOT procrastinate! This could go for any teacher you have, just ask one of the graduated seniors or one of the kids that know the school fairly well, there is always that one teacher that you don’t want to procrastinate in his class.
2. DO NOT miss more than three days in the semester (unless school related). You will have to take both the Gov/Econ final if you do. From what I’ve heard it’s hard a crap! This also goes for any class you might have at a different school. You don’t want to miss too many days in the last year of high school because you might end up with some nasty consequences.
3. Take MAD notes in Hislops class. A lot of the stuff he, and I’m sure MANY other teachers talk about are always just in his stories and you want to be sure you write down as much as you can so you can study from them and get a good grade in any class.
4. SAVE ALL YOUR TESTS! If you are from where I am, save them mostly for Gov/Econ just in case you have to take the finals. However, it is a good idea even if you don’t have to take the finals. You make sure you have all the correct answers on them and sell them to the pathetic kids who missed more than 3 days. It’s a great way to make money and you feel great afterwards because you don’t have to take the tests.
5. When you are assigned a project such as a giant seventeen page paper or you have to create a business for Econ class, get started RIGHT AWAY! You cannot afford to mess up big projects your senior year since because it all comes down to your grades in the end.
6. GET RID OF POWERPOINT! It’s so boring and it’s way to overused! DO ALL PRESENTATIONS IN PREZI.COM! It makes them look better, plus no matter how many times you use it, it is always different and there are endless possibilities with it! Plus teachers get really tired of PowerPoint’s.
7. GET A JOB! Senior year might be stressful and busy but you are going to want to be saving up now! Trust me! Plus you can always have a little extra money to go out to lunch with friends when the school’s lunch is not looking very appetizing (which is usually always).
8. Star applying for scholarships AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! If you are a junior, start this summer but get your FASFA filed ON JANUARY 1ST! It’ll save you time later and also you get more opportunities for scholarships and grants, as well as work-study!
9. Start looking for colleges NOW! That way you can get a dorm right away (plus it’ll be better) and you don’t have to worry about wondering where you are going to go. If you don’t know what you want to study, go to a community college or a 4-year college close to home first and go and at least get your general’s out of the way, you can easily transfer to a different school and continue.
10. DO NOT SLACK! I’ve said this a shit load of times but I cannot stress how important it is. If you slack your grades will go down and you could be on the verge of not graduating, like a certain red headed friend of mine. Just keep up on things and try your best; it’s going to be hard as f*ck but it’ll pay off in the end when you walk across that stage to get your diploma. (Sound cliché I know but it’s true)

xoxo
JW

Summer Playlist 2011 Part One

1. Sexin’ on the Dance floor- Cash Cash ft. Jeffree Star
2. Attack Music- These New Puritans
3. Attack of the 60ft Lesbian Octopus- Does it Offend You, Yeah?
4. Bad Reputation- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
5. Time to Pretend- MGMT
6. Figure 8- Lovers
7. Howlin’ for You- The Black Keys
8. Roll Away Your Stone- Mumford & Sons
9. Rolling in the Deep- Adele
10. Rain- Mika
11. Daylight- Matt & Kim
12. Cherry Bomb- The Runaways

June 1, 2011: Summer 2011!

An entire year has come and passed and I can officially say that I'm excited. I'm writing this nine days before my graduation from PHS. Boy, what can I say, I'm ready to get the eff out of this small town. I just hope this summer is going to be better than last summer, after all the big drama that happened. However, I have a feeling this is the summer that is most likely going to top all my other summers past...

So over the course of the year many, many changes have happened to me. For one, I have new friends. My old friends K, B, T, M and so on really let me down after last summers incident and then it just progressively got worse after the school year started. I hate the fact that I don't talk to them or even acknowledge them at school, but I think it's best that way.

Ofcourse I can't help but think about all the great times I had with them, but you know people, they change, or mainly you change and they don't. I feel like I have matured more than them over the course of the summer. Of course I still have my immature moments with friends, I do feel though, that I have grown up more as a person and they just haven't. Which is why it was time to leave that nest and move to a new one, which didn't take long to find.

This new nest is quite amazing, new friends, new life, new style, new way of thinking. I have felt myself grow as a person and I don't think I would've been able to do it with out this new niche that I have created. However, it isn't very long until I will have to create a new life for myself in the quite bigger city of Missoula, with going to college and all.

This year I have had so many experiences; good and bad, but all ending up to help me in the end. All of it leading up to this summer, the summer that will hopefully be the one to top all others.

This is...
My life to Welcome.
"I'm back Bitches"

The day had been warm, which was quite crazy after the freak winter had here early this spring. As it should be though, spring was finally arriving. E's dad was gone to Alaska for two weeks, which meant that D, N and I would be staying over for the weekend, and we were going to have a damn ass good time.
That night a breeze had drifted down by the lakes edge as well all walked down the winding path to Boettcher park below the lushcious green grass of the golf course. Our voices carried out in the emptiness of the area, we laughed and talked about what we were going to do for the rest of the night. We decided after we spend some time here we would be off to E's to make homemade alfredo sauce.
We got to the park, damp grass tickled between our toes as we walked over to the sandy area to get on the swings. We sat on them, pumping our legs back and forth, trying to see who could make it the highest. D sat on the grass and started playing her ukulele, struming "House of the Rising Sun" by Bob Dylan that she was still learning. It then turned to some random songs when she couldn't remember the chords for one song.
It wasn't soon that we were on the merry-g0-round with D playing her uke still and looking up at the stars, talking about boys, school, bible thumpers, pot, cocaine, alcohol. Between the time we were talking about that and talking about life in another galaxy on a planet just like ours, we ended up at the end of the dock, laying side by side. Philisophical words came out of our mouths as we started spurting out quotes, stanza's from poems, chorus' from songs. We tried to differenitate stars from satillites, pointing out constallations.
Music started and we were up into the grass, dancing like hooligans, like gypsies around a fire, Native American's praying for sunshine to make life grow. We would laugh, dance, sing; joyous moments.
Dancing in the grass, on picnik tables, around posts. We laughed and laughed, spun around in circles till we all feel on the ground and sighed. We created a bond. A bond that would be the start of the summer. A bond that would hopefully last us along time.
We had our cliche movie opening, some sisterhood of traveling pants, a secert harem of yah-yahs. We were ready for summer to start and our lives to begin. The only question was when?

I'm back Bitches

Hey everyone!!
My blog will be coming back up this saturday! Don't miss the first post of the summer!!