“When a man won't listen to his
conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total
stranger.”
~Lindsey Stewart
Sometimes your whole world can change
with one conversation with a total stranger. Sometimes that stranger
doesn't need to do anything, sometimes what that stranger says can
bring you peace to something that refuses to diminish inside of you.
Sometimes a stranger is all you need in your life, even if it's for a
brief period of time.
We are all on a journey. A journey of
self discovery where you get to find out who you are as a person.
Along the way you hit some bumps and get lost or stray away from
where you want to go. There can even come a time where you seem like
you are going in one direction and you end up right where you began.
Say you are on a street taking a walk
and you come up to a corner and you have to choose left or right, you
choose right. Then you come to another turn and you choose right
again then one more time and you end up right back where you started.
You go again and keep choosing right and each time you end up back at
that same spot.
It's at that point where that stranger
comes into your life and you tell them why you keep choosing right.
Soon it becomes apparent, they talk to you some more and convince you
to maybe go... left? You go left. It's a whole new journey from
there, and only you will see where it takes you. Then you it's pretty
soon you are going on your own and you are exploring new places, new
faces, you are trying new things.
It's that little amount of time you
talked with that stranger that has helped you choose a different
direction that got you to where you are today or later in life.
However, sometimes that stranger needs to become a friend, by seeing
them a couple times more, but soon you are off on your own and you
are doing wonderful.
My point in all of this is that
strangers are here to help you. A person to talk to and give you
their ideas of what you just told them. You need someone to
reciprocate what you just said back to you without it being clouded
with judgment that you might get from a friend or a family member.
It's just crazy how much of an impact
that one stranger can do in your life to make you see the light in
everything, whether it be helping you learn from your mistakes or
helping you find the light in your future. Don't take them for
granted.
Because everyone needs a little help
from a stranger.
XX
JW
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
About A Boy
“A man the world over in
search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
~George Moore
I can sit here, in the
University Center; the green plants surrounding me, the glass roof
pouring in the moonlight on to every open surface, Antony and the
Johnson’s serenading me while I watch the lives pass by me. I
wonder what it means to be here, to be living in existence, and I
know that may sound really ridiculous of me and really far fetched
Idea and you all might be asking, 'Is he smoking something?'
The answer to the last one
is no.
However, ever since last
Tuesday night I have just been questioning on where I'm going with my
life. You all have read the previous blogs, where I say that I have
my plans for New York and blah blah blah. But my question is, what is
happening with life right now?
Okay, so let's head back to
Friday shall we? Friday night when I felt the cool breeze on my
face as I listened to a very intellegant curly haired friend of mine
go on about boys, friends and just life. It wasn't until we passed
something that has made the biggest impact in my life, and we sat
down and talked.
We talked and it all made
sense.
I didn't think I could talk
about what I was feeling and people want me to go to the Health
Center on Campus to talk to someone.
But how does one even begin
to talk about their problems to a complete stranger who probably has
no clue what I'm going through?
Luckily I had this very special person in my life who seemed to
be the first (and right now, only)
person who is understanding what I am going through? And she told me
a very beautiful story about a young girl who felt the same way and
did the same thing, but then talked to a very beautiful boy and he
helped her figure it out. He helped her figure out what she was
feeling.
He told her, “I want to know
where my life is going to go. It might be tough now, but the only
thing that is keeping me here, is the question about where I'm going
to go and if it's gone, I will never know.”
It all made sense. In those few
moments that I was standing there that Tuesday night, the wind
whistling past my ears, all I could hear was, “Where is my life
going?” It was going no where at that moment, and it still hasn't,
but how do I know that it won't go somewhere else?
She was the only one to give me
what I really needed that night. Space and time to think. While
everyone else crowded with their cheeks flushed, eyes puffy, telling
me I was selfish. What
none of them knew was that I could not explain what was going on.
“You are rational. You would
only do something like that for a reason, and people don't see that,”
She told me. “Nobody saw that and I knew because I had been through
this before.”
So this is not a story of a boy
who wanted the world to end. Who wanted to leave the ones he left
behind. This is not a story about a manic or a teen full of angst,
where everything spirals out of control in the end.
No.
This is a story of a lost boy
who can't find his way back on to his path, and he is searching. He
is searching with the help of the currents of his life, the deer
behind him, picking him up if he falls and staying closely behind but
not too far. Nor too close.
There isn't an end to this
story.
It just hurts, that's all.
“Everything was
beautiful and nothing hurt.”
~Kurt Vonnegut
XX
JW
search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
~George Moore
I can sit here, in the
University Center; the green plants surrounding me, the glass roof
pouring in the moonlight on to every open surface, Antony and the
Johnson’s serenading me while I watch the lives pass by me. I
wonder what it means to be here, to be living in existence, and I
know that may sound really ridiculous of me and really far fetched
Idea and you all might be asking, 'Is he smoking something?'
The answer to the last one
is no.
However, ever since last
Tuesday night I have just been questioning on where I'm going with my
life. You all have read the previous blogs, where I say that I have
my plans for New York and blah blah blah. But my question is, what is
happening with life right now?
Okay, so let's head back to
Friday shall we? Friday night when I felt the cool breeze on my
face as I listened to a very intellegant curly haired friend of mine
go on about boys, friends and just life. It wasn't until we passed
something that has made the biggest impact in my life, and we sat
down and talked.
We talked and it all made
sense.
I didn't think I could talk
about what I was feeling and people want me to go to the Health
Center on Campus to talk to someone.
But how does one even begin
to talk about their problems to a complete stranger who probably has
no clue what I'm going through?
Luckily I had this very special person in my life who seemed to
be the first (and right now, only)
person who is understanding what I am going through? And she told me
a very beautiful story about a young girl who felt the same way and
did the same thing, but then talked to a very beautiful boy and he
helped her figure it out. He helped her figure out what she was
feeling.
He told her, “I want to know
where my life is going to go. It might be tough now, but the only
thing that is keeping me here, is the question about where I'm going
to go and if it's gone, I will never know.”
It all made sense. In those few
moments that I was standing there that Tuesday night, the wind
whistling past my ears, all I could hear was, “Where is my life
going?” It was going no where at that moment, and it still hasn't,
but how do I know that it won't go somewhere else?
She was the only one to give me
what I really needed that night. Space and time to think. While
everyone else crowded with their cheeks flushed, eyes puffy, telling
me I was selfish. What
none of them knew was that I could not explain what was going on.
“You are rational. You would
only do something like that for a reason, and people don't see that,”
She told me. “Nobody saw that and I knew because I had been through
this before.”
So this is not a story of a boy
who wanted the world to end. Who wanted to leave the ones he left
behind. This is not a story about a manic or a teen full of angst,
where everything spirals out of control in the end.
No.
This is a story of a lost boy
who can't find his way back on to his path, and he is searching. He
is searching with the help of the currents of his life, the deer
behind him, picking him up if he falls and staying closely behind but
not too far. Nor too close.
There isn't an end to this
story.
It just hurts, that's all.
“Everything was
beautiful and nothing hurt.”
~Kurt Vonnegut
XX
JW
Monday, March 19, 2012
Time: Wasted.
Time is not affected when you are stuck
in your own mind. It's as if you wake up in a bad dream where all the
clocks are smashed, crushed. Kind of how you feel about your dreams.
Clocks may even run backward to bring you back to a relenting past
that you didn't want to remember. However, in this weird state of
what seems like limbo, you can't control it. Watch as the
hallucinations come over you and your eyes submerge into the waters
of your body.
This week has been a very tough one.
So much so that I can't explain it to you, besides the fact that it
seems like it has been one of the longest weeks in my entire life. A
week where I have felt like I was in pure hell. A hell that no one
should ever have to go through and no one should experience but I
know that there are other people that do.
From this week there is one thing that
I have learned, that you there is always somewhere there, whether
they may not be there in person, but there is always someone there.
You are never alone, no matter how alone you may feel one moment.
Even if you can't find someone right away, there is always someone.
I know all of this may seem really
redundant but I don't think that people understand this. Not even I.
After this week I still feel the same way, but I know that at least I
have some people I can look to to help me through these dark times
that seem to be ahead of me. Don't forget your friends are always
there for you.
So much love to you all.
XX
JW
in your own mind. It's as if you wake up in a bad dream where all the
clocks are smashed, crushed. Kind of how you feel about your dreams.
Clocks may even run backward to bring you back to a relenting past
that you didn't want to remember. However, in this weird state of
what seems like limbo, you can't control it. Watch as the
hallucinations come over you and your eyes submerge into the waters
of your body.
This week has been a very tough one.
So much so that I can't explain it to you, besides the fact that it
seems like it has been one of the longest weeks in my entire life. A
week where I have felt like I was in pure hell. A hell that no one
should ever have to go through and no one should experience but I
know that there are other people that do.
From this week there is one thing that
I have learned, that you there is always somewhere there, whether
they may not be there in person, but there is always someone there.
You are never alone, no matter how alone you may feel one moment.
Even if you can't find someone right away, there is always someone.
I know all of this may seem really
redundant but I don't think that people understand this. Not even I.
After this week I still feel the same way, but I know that at least I
have some people I can look to to help me through these dark times
that seem to be ahead of me. Don't forget your friends are always
there for you.
So much love to you all.
XX
JW
Friday, March 16, 2012
The Reconstruction Era
“Because our fight has been for such a long time we are isolated from the world, even after reconstruction we don't have much attention from people outside.”
~Hanoi Hannah
The Reconstruction era has begun. Life seems to be moving on a normal track for everyone at last. However, I have never felt so divided before in my life. While everyone is continuing on with moving forward in their life, I feel like I was left behind. New roommates, friends, and times are ahead but I'm still stuck in the past, trying to figure out where my next steps are. I'm still lost.
Worst of all, I feel forgotten by the group. I was just a pawn in the group and watched as we all fell under the water in a battle of life and friendship. Now that everyone seems to have moved on to newer and better things I am left in the dust, wondering where is there to go? However, I feel like time away from the group is the best right now.
While they are getting along with their lives and changing their views, I am sitting here deciding what I am going to do with my life. Right now the only option is to leave.
And leave I will do.
My time with the group and everyone is over. My adventure here in Montana has come to a halt and now my life will halt with it until my next move. In which happens to be moving to New York to go to school at The New School for a major in Fashion Studies and minor in Media Arts of some sort. The difficult part of all of it is the fact of coming up with about forty-three thousand dollars to go, along with expenses for getting over there.
It's where my future lies, I can tell. It's just a matter of getting over there that is the difficult part. The worst part too. It's so hard to live in a place where you feel like you never were and never can be truly happy. It's like a dark force that grips your neck, ringing you as it drags you to the depths of the shadows. I know once I'm out of here my life will be a lot happier and a lot better.
Sometimes you have to do what makes you happiest before you put anyone else before you, and for me, sometimes that is the hardest part. I will hate to leave my friends and I will be so sad when I do leave but I know, that over all, I will be happy and be in a much better place.
Until then, the Reconstruction Era will continue until we settle into the Industrialization period, which I have a feeling won't be too far away for everyone.
Until next time...
XX
JW
~Hanoi Hannah
The Reconstruction era has begun. Life seems to be moving on a normal track for everyone at last. However, I have never felt so divided before in my life. While everyone is continuing on with moving forward in their life, I feel like I was left behind. New roommates, friends, and times are ahead but I'm still stuck in the past, trying to figure out where my next steps are. I'm still lost.
Worst of all, I feel forgotten by the group. I was just a pawn in the group and watched as we all fell under the water in a battle of life and friendship. Now that everyone seems to have moved on to newer and better things I am left in the dust, wondering where is there to go? However, I feel like time away from the group is the best right now.
While they are getting along with their lives and changing their views, I am sitting here deciding what I am going to do with my life. Right now the only option is to leave.
And leave I will do.
My time with the group and everyone is over. My adventure here in Montana has come to a halt and now my life will halt with it until my next move. In which happens to be moving to New York to go to school at The New School for a major in Fashion Studies and minor in Media Arts of some sort. The difficult part of all of it is the fact of coming up with about forty-three thousand dollars to go, along with expenses for getting over there.
It's where my future lies, I can tell. It's just a matter of getting over there that is the difficult part. The worst part too. It's so hard to live in a place where you feel like you never were and never can be truly happy. It's like a dark force that grips your neck, ringing you as it drags you to the depths of the shadows. I know once I'm out of here my life will be a lot happier and a lot better.
Sometimes you have to do what makes you happiest before you put anyone else before you, and for me, sometimes that is the hardest part. I will hate to leave my friends and I will be so sad when I do leave but I know, that over all, I will be happy and be in a much better place.
Until then, the Reconstruction Era will continue until we settle into the Industrialization period, which I have a feeling won't be too far away for everyone.
Until next time...
XX
JW
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
The War On Friends
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
~Oscar Wilde
It's been a long since I took a walk to think about the things that have been happening in my life. Lately, that has been a lot, too much to put on here. It would actually probably have to take up an entire book to fill up with everything that has happened since my last post. The thing however, that I have been thinking about the most are friends.
With current situations, things have shifted the group to taking sides, talking behind each others backs, and sometimes even getting revenge. It has also led to the tearing apart of some very important friendships. Some that were once like a flower, something that bloomed so beautifully then the care stopped and it wilted into the pile of dirt it was planted in.
It made me look at things a different way about myself and the things around me. I needed to look at things from the outside, and when I did, I was surprised to see what had happened. It was like a war had happened. A tornado of drama and the opposite force came whirling in. Soldiers took their sides, even if they didn't know what was going on or which side to go on. They all lined up, taking position with their swords and they charged across the valley. The one most important thing they all forgot was their armor.
I watched all of it happen from the stoop of a hillside. I can remember the clashing of colors, the red blood spilling from their mouths, and the sound of screams echoed off the basin of the valley. There were no dead, but close. The wounds ran deep in many and scratches covered all, as the battle ended and the sides walked away.
Even after a big battle, the war will always continue. The sad thing is, is that most of the group doesn't understand this and try to fight fire with fire. (cliché I know but it fits perfectly here if I do say so myself.)
There is a resting period in this war.
We have all lost who were are. I can see that. We are all questioning ourselves, who are we, where do we want to go, what are we supposed to do with our lives? Questions like this and more all run through our head and it's sad that no one will step back with me and look and try to take time for themselves.
If you all want the secret to a successful friendship here it is....
You won't always be friends.
Friends are here and they are your family for now, but they won't always be there. You have to depend on yourself sometimes and have to realize that shit is going to happen with each other, whether it be because of some stupid plans that went south for a birthday party.
The thing we all need to know is that if you are all friends, no one will take sides. No one.
“A true friend stabs you in the front.”
~Oscar Wilde
XX
JW
~Oscar Wilde
It's been a long since I took a walk to think about the things that have been happening in my life. Lately, that has been a lot, too much to put on here. It would actually probably have to take up an entire book to fill up with everything that has happened since my last post. The thing however, that I have been thinking about the most are friends.
With current situations, things have shifted the group to taking sides, talking behind each others backs, and sometimes even getting revenge. It has also led to the tearing apart of some very important friendships. Some that were once like a flower, something that bloomed so beautifully then the care stopped and it wilted into the pile of dirt it was planted in.
It made me look at things a different way about myself and the things around me. I needed to look at things from the outside, and when I did, I was surprised to see what had happened. It was like a war had happened. A tornado of drama and the opposite force came whirling in. Soldiers took their sides, even if they didn't know what was going on or which side to go on. They all lined up, taking position with their swords and they charged across the valley. The one most important thing they all forgot was their armor.
I watched all of it happen from the stoop of a hillside. I can remember the clashing of colors, the red blood spilling from their mouths, and the sound of screams echoed off the basin of the valley. There were no dead, but close. The wounds ran deep in many and scratches covered all, as the battle ended and the sides walked away.
Even after a big battle, the war will always continue. The sad thing is, is that most of the group doesn't understand this and try to fight fire with fire. (cliché I know but it fits perfectly here if I do say so myself.)
There is a resting period in this war.
We have all lost who were are. I can see that. We are all questioning ourselves, who are we, where do we want to go, what are we supposed to do with our lives? Questions like this and more all run through our head and it's sad that no one will step back with me and look and try to take time for themselves.
If you all want the secret to a successful friendship here it is....
You won't always be friends.
Friends are here and they are your family for now, but they won't always be there. You have to depend on yourself sometimes and have to realize that shit is going to happen with each other, whether it be because of some stupid plans that went south for a birthday party.
The thing we all need to know is that if you are all friends, no one will take sides. No one.
“A true friend stabs you in the front.”
~Oscar Wilde
XX
JW
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