Monday, August 15, 2011

August 11, 2011 (part two): Dear _____________, Goodbye Forever you Motherfu...

Dear ______________,

I would like to inform you that I have deleted you off facebook. You maybe wondering to yourself why? What did I do, again? Or I'm hoping you are asking yourself that even though you are probably going, “Oh meh God... he is such a drama queen, whateves, I'm gonna go find another guy to screw.” So I'm going to make this as long and painful as possible for you to read! Now to the fact if you are actually going to read it, I have no f*cking clue! Part of me hopes you do and the other part hopes you don't. Then I realized, I don't give a f*ck if you do, because I want you out of my life!

Let's begin.

I remember when I first laid eyes on you at the ________ concert. I was dancing next to my friends in my “hot girl disguise” (thanks Jenna Marbles), when I turned and saw you stand right next to us. It was crazy to see someone so amazingly hot at first and I had to tell everyone about you. So of course I did. We then proceeded to befriend you, holding your stuff, dancing with you, leading you up to the front with us and what not. It wasn't until a couple days after that you finally added my friend on facebook and I added you.

I was so ecstatic to meet someone like you because it usually never ever happens to someone like me. A “cute” gay boy from rural Montana, who's been sheltered all his life from the endless possibilities of the gay dating world. So we texted each other, we got to know each other; I would hope to think, but I honestly think you got to know me more than I got to know you.

Anyways, after countless of weeks texting each other and what not, we finally met up in _________. My friends and your friend got to know each other very well but we were forced to just kind of go on with everyone else, making it very awkward and embarrassing and what not. However you continued to dazzle me with asking me to come see you.

Finally one night I did! We had a blast, or, again, I would like to think so. We ended up the night laying next to each other in very uncomfortable positions but our heads seemed to touch and never wanted to be apart. By the way, I kept forgetting to tell you how cute your snores were. I realize now they aren't so cute anymore.

Later the next day one thing led to another and bing, bang, boom! We left each other after our little moment of sheer bliss, or, yet again, I would like to think so. After that you never bothered to contact me for about, I don't know, two weeks. Then I tried to ask you what we were, you didn't know; I didn't know but I knew what I wanted so I kept after it. I failed like I usually do and I think I only made you hate me. With each text I would send and the non-response, or lack of one, I could feel you slipping away from my grasps. Soon everything just ended.

I never came to turns with it ending the way it did; I was still on mission to get you to like me. It didn't work out so well. I cried over you. I wept, groaned, howled, grieved over how I lost this battle that seemed like I was only fighting. Then it all became clear one night when I had a dream that I was telling you off, and let me tell you, it was a good dream. After I had it, I literally texted my friend and told her to delete your number from her phone, for she was holding it for me when I deleted your phone number my phone but then wanted it back again. I then deleted every message between you and I. Thus resulting in deleting you off facebook, again.
Now I wanted to tell you why I was deleting you, but my friends were right; Why should I have to tell you why I'm deleting you? Who cares if you are upset or not about it? Then I wrote this letter to tell you why I did it and why I realized you and me really can't be.

You see, I get why it didn't work. Not only is it because you are a Taurus and I, a Gemini, but I made you feel something. I made you feel like there was really someone else in this world that could take care of you and make you feel like someone actually cared about you, besides your friends obviously. You've done it many times, opened up only to be heart broken by the guy that you feel so desperately for. So you didn't open up, however I was getting you too, little by little and you felt taken aback by it.

So finally you had me where you wanted me; you a mermaid and I a sailor, you lured me into the dark depths of the ocean with your intimidating song. After our time together you realized I was falling for you and you couldn't fall for me. You had been hurt so many times before by people who had done the same, you subconsciously did the same. You got rid of me before you had to open up and be hurt; instead of you getting hurt in the end, it was me who was left heart broken and dead, floating for the next boat to find my beaten carcass.

You liked me, but you knew you couldn't. You gave me the excuse that we were too far apart, but you never tried. You didn't want to be heartbroken again, so you broke my heart instead. You moved on so easily with your life and frankly, I envy you for it. For here I am, writing my last letter to you telling you all my feelings about what happened. I know you are probably like woah, he is such a f*cking crazy person! I'm so glad we didn't get together.

Now all of the above I could be totally wrong, but it's what I gather from what happened from the whole thing. I wanted this to be my last goodbye to you, knowing though, that you probably will never read it and that is fine by me. I just want you to know that I did care about you, but you f*cked it up. It wasn't me, like I thought while I sat here in my bed at 2 in the morning weeping over how I could have ruined it. It was all you.

So goodbye ______________. Oh, and F*CK YOU!

Have a wonderful life, and I hope you find someone as shallow as yourself.

XOXO forever,
Jerry

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