Soon...

Hey guys! 

I'm going down for the holidays to take some time for myself and think about some stuff.

The next blog post will be Jan 4th.

Until then,

I wish you a safe End of the World Day, Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year (those last two if we make it through the 'end of the world.') ;)

XX

RE: More people should talk about what they’re passionate about.

So recently a friend of mine posted a post on tumblr about passion and being passionate about things in life. It struck me deep, like it should. That whole night, morning, whatever you want to call it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. 

Later on, he posted a longer post about what he was passionate about and said that he would like us to write something similar. I knew immediately what that I was going to write something. I just need sometime to think about it. 

After about a day now, I have thought about it. So here it goes…

I'm passionate about the lives of others. Weird I know, but I've had a normal life with lots of ups and downs, and I have always been a social kid. I've always had friends and I have always been the friend that people have come to, to talk about things. Things such as problems, or in need of advice. Every time, I always, and I mean ALWAYS listen. I have always helped to the best of my ability.

I have struggled with depression and have tried committing suicide. It's in those final moments when you are about to do it, that you remember about the lives you will be missing and seeing where they go in the future. Those people that will have problems and will need someone to talk to. 

I am passionate about photography. God damn if only my camera didn't get stolen. I love the shit out of photography and I love making art, and making things beautiful. I love creating. Whenever I'm in a funk, I would grab my camera, call a friend and say, 'Hey, let's go create something beautiful. I need to right now.'

I am passionate about love, even if I haven't found it. I am passionate that there is love in the world and that people will find someone, even if it is in their mid 40s and they have been married before.

I am passionate about drag. I don't do it enough, but I am. I love getting dressed up into someone I'm not and being someone new that people love and want to be around. I like to bring joy into someones life by being something completely different that what I'm actually am.

I am passionate about poetry, writing, and getting your feelings out there to the world for others to see that, yeah there is someone going through something that I'm going through.

So now it's your turn. What are you passionate about?

Reasons

Written Dec. 3, 2012. 

(Edited from original copy)

The countdown beings.

Five days.

Five days till I'm back at home away from this place and back into my old life. Which, in retrospect, I don't think is bad. People tell you that you shouldn't look back, that it's your past for a reason, but sometimes you have to go back because you got lost in your present while looking for your future. Like me. 

I used to have this thrill, this certain type of drive to make something with my life. Possibly because I didn't feel like I had a purpose to live for the longest time. I got to a point in my life where I decided that I did. I needed to continue on for the sake of the normal average person. I needed to find the way to make my life better so that there would be hope for people like me. 

I was a leader. I was against use of drugs, tobacco, anything harmful to your body. I experimented, nothing bad happened and I was okay with that. That's when I lost myself. When I started following instead of being the followed. I was following for all the wrong reasons. 

I started to act like them, think like them, be them. That was never me. I was never one to blend into a niche and be happy. No, I was there to show people that it's okay on who you are and to be proud and confident about it.

I lost that. 

I got lost in the world of drugs, underground raves, a new scene to start a new life with. I had a new slate and I could be whoever I wanted to be. That's when I lost me.

It was all fun. I'm not regretting what I did at all. I'm regretting how I acted about it. I'm regretting on how it took control over my life. 

No, not the drugs or the alcohol, the acceptance. I was finally cool now! People wanted to talk to me, wanted me to come to their parties, wanted me to hang out with them. For crying out loud people tried so many different crazy things to get into the group I got in so easily. 

That's when I started slipping. That's when I had to work for the acceptance and rank, yet when I did I got no where. Which is weird, to be honest, because we all thought of each other as family and we couldn't go days without seeing each other. Yet, when the time came, we put each other in their place. If you weren't one of the originals closest friends, who weren't as important. I'm lucky to have even gotten into the group I did, now that I look back on it. And that makes me sad, and disappointed in what I had become.

I was no longer a leader, and I accepted that. Maybe subconsciously I had grown tired of being the leader. I tried to get people to meet new friends, I tried to get them to go to a house party with new people, I tried to get them to do things but instead I was put in my place and accepted what they wanted to do.

I lost myself.

I had so much to say, but no one to listen. 

Even now I feel like there isn't anyone to really listen to my side of things. I am the listener, and that's how it's been all my life.

It's now that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being left in the shadows, feeling as if I didn't have anything interesting to offer because I didn't come from a crazy background. I didn't enjoy getting so messed up all the time. I was a state officer of Family, Career, Community Leaders of America. I was one of the original founders of the current reACT Core Team. But that's not special where I was at. None of it was. This wasn't high school. Now no one cares if you can make a difference in the world cause the world is already too fucked up to care. 

That night on the bridge, when I wanted to jump off and kill myself. That's all I could think of. They didn't need anymore leaders where I was, they had all they needed. I was just a filler to make their lives more interesting and yeah that was good and all at first. 

But then I stepped back and saw that I was broken, and that they were broken, and that I wanted to heal myself but I couldn't. I couldn't because I felt that if I did, that I would leave them behind and they would hate me. I didn't want anyone to hate me. I just wanted someone to say I love you, I care about you, I will always be there. Instead of hearing that more than I should've, I was saying that more than I should've.

I was there to believe in everyone, yet I felt like no one believed in me.

It's weird how all this emotion that you pent up for so long finally comes back to you when you finally realized how you fucked up your own life. I don't blame them for how I turned out. It's not their fault, and I don't like to accuse people. It was my decision to stay and my decision to fuck up my own life because of that.

It's not their faults. They brought me in and we had a great time. They showed me so much stuff and I learned so much from all of them and I thank them. Yet, in the end I just wanted acceptance too much and that's what made me suffer. My naiveté to being apart of something, when I myself was already apart of something. Something greater than drama filled drunk nights at a cold apartment. I was apart of me. 

But I didn't see that then. All I saw was the opportunity to be wanted and accepted. 

I think that maybe people should stop focusing on how they appear, or how they want to appear to others, and focus on how they appear to themselves. That was something we all lied to ourselves about. We all told ourselves that we were comfortable with who we were, but on the inside we were all plagued with the ugliness we actually felt.

The Art of Disappearing

Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Come see the greatest show on earth! The wonderfully socially awkward gay hipster kid, Jerry, will do a very famous disappearing act that no one will believe!

After his many attempts, it seems that he has perfected the art of disappearing, only to be seen when those around him need an opinion. It is time for him to show the entire public what he can do and now it is time.

This Saturday at noon in front of Elrod Hall, Jerry will disappear in front of everyone's eyes to never be seen again. No harm will be done to Jerry or those around him... well maybe some of those around him, while the others will never remember.

Jerry told us that it his time because of some personal issues. "I have lived out my time here in Missoula, and I have been through the good and the bad," says Jerry. "It is time for me to do my famous act of disappearing and start new."

We asked Jerry how long he has known of his gift to disappear, "I just really realized it in these last couple of months. I would be at a friends or a party and then poof I'd be gone. I'd look around and no one would see me or hear me. At first I thought that they were all being pricks, but then I realized that I have vanished."

"It's not their fault, I mean, they could've looked for me, but they didn't. I respect that," says Jerry. "I just wish they would've tried harder, though."

There you have it folks. The end is near, and it is for you all to see, or not see.

"I just want to say goodbye Missoula, and you have been good to me but it's just time that this disappearing act disappears into a new world."

I'm Scared

The above video by famous British Youtuber, Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike), describes my life at it's current point in time.

Now I know a lot of other people feel the same way, and I'm not trying to take that away from them, but I want people to know that I can relate to it. That's why I have started a blog, right? To show that I can relate to people.

However, recently I feel like I can't relate to people. F*ck, I feel like I can't relate to myself. I feel lost, like Charlie said, "I just have been the best version of myself recently."

I haven't been the best version of myself. I have screwed off in school, yet again. I still don't have a solid job, I might be homeless for a while, I don't know how to carry on a relationship. I am scared that I have failed so much already that there is nothing left for me to do but just give up.

Now, I'm not actually going to give up. That would be way too stupid, and my mother would kill me because she is strong powerful woman who never gave up on her dream. She made it work for her, somehow and some way. It may not have been the same dream she started out with, but she changed it to what she needed it to be to get where she is today.

I am trying to do that. It's just, as Charlie said, I'm scared of people. I'm sick of being judged that I'm not skinny enough, I'm too hairy, I failed school, I've done things that I'm not proud of. I am even at the point where I feel like some of my closest friends are sick of me. I can't get a grip on what I want to do, who I want to be.

And that scares me. I'm scared that when I do get a job I will have responsibilities. I'm scared that I'm going to fail Logan with the BFK stuff, I'm scared that life will become to much for me. And even in this point in time just floating on isn't going to help.

I'm scared that if I don't break this fling off with this guy I like, I could loose a really good friend. I'm scared that others will, or have (or actually I know they already did) judged me for that. I'm scared that I can't find love, or that I won't.

I'm scared. And that's okay, because everyone is scared, right?

"My hope, is that this is just what it's like to be human, that everybody just secretly feels the same way as me."

Bad Things

"Bad things happen to the people you love
And you find yourself paying the diamond above
But honestly I've never had much sympathy
Cuz those bad things always saw them coming for me
I'm gonna run, run away, run run away, run away
Run away and never come back"~"Bad Things"- Cults
Well the weekend has come and passed. The sun seems brighter and my bed seems like the best place to be with each passing second. Yet, I ignore it. Why? At this point, I have no clue. I'm still regretting getting out of the shower this morning.

It seems that I never have a dull night. And it a night ends up being dull, it usually means we are taking a break, or just nothing is happening for us to do. However, a dull night is as rare as seeing a polar bear up in Artic (too soon?).

However, after all of these crazy nights that I seem to stumble upon, because let's be honest, I don't have the energy to look for that kind of stuff, I come back and I remember what I ran away from. Because that is what I do when nights like that happen. They don't just happen because I am in the right place at the right time, they happen because there are problems I'm running from and I don't know how to deal with it. Until I stumble upon some friends who happen to have a handle of Nikolai and I end up owning beer pong for three rounds then the cops come, I flee and then meet up with other friends.

I know, I know. Sounds like the problems of an alcoholic right? Chasing your problems with vodka is probably not the smartest.

But then you wake up the next morning, and sure you feel like shit at first. You drank a lot, it's bound to happen. You wake up and then you remember for that brief period of what seems like ever, only ending up to be four hours, you were happy and you forgot about the problems you had.

I know this all sounds sort of fucked up. But there is still beauty in getting drunk, despite the puking, dirty houses, spilt beer etc. etc.

It's when everyone around you seems to be getting into a relationship and you are left in the dark, when you are filling in for someone who is gone, while your “friends” tell you that you were a great stand in. It's when you want to be in love but the guy you are in love with is going on other dates and trying to find out who he loves.

And instead of getting lost in a book, or a television show, you end up running. And you end up running into some friends in some low places, and that is when you have a great time and are finally able to get rid of all the sadness that you feel.

I miss my best friend. I'm in love with a guy that doesn't love me back. I'm a shadow to an entire group of my so called “friends.” I am 100% alone. And I have no where to hide or run, or anyone to talk to because everyone has problems. But I need to help them out first.

That is why I drink. That is why I run. I need to be free of my own head.

I need to be free of this nagging feeling of the fact that I'm probably not going to find someone to love. That I'm going to be like my mother, alone with a dog working constantly while I wallow in shows like the bachelorette and Sons of Anarchy.

History repeats it's self my friends.

And I don't think I'm ready to face the future of that.  

Humble Hampster

“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”

~Charles Bukowski

A friend of mine once told me, “Water is like the most pure thing on earth.” I, of course, at the time objected, trying to explain to her about all the chemicals and bacteria that can be in water. She kept protesting, continuing on with how it is a form of honesty.

It wasn't until much later that I figured out what she meant about water that night. But that's for a different blog post... or maybe just a private diary entry.

I guess the point of that story goes on after what had happened that night.

We had been at a Modest Mouse concert. I with my friends and she, with hers. We met at Denny's and had a great night. It wasn't until about a year or so later, when we sat on the ugly orange 70's couch; a couch so defiled from sex, booze and drugs, yet we didn't mind, that we reminisced about that very night.

She told me something then: “I don't care how corny this sounds, but my favorite lyrics are 'Even if things end up a bit too heavy we'll all float on.' That song has helped me through so much, and that line just reminds me of everything I've been through and how I got through it. I lived by that line.”

10 points for guessing the name of that song.

I look back on it now, and I remember all the times that song would come on shuffle from someones iPod or phone, and she would make everyone get really quiet and then we'd all belt out that one line as loud as we could. Of course always ending up just laughing about how out of tune we were.

But it's true.

Sometimes things get hard, like this past couple of weeks, or f*ck even this year. Not only have I had my own personal struggles and battles with how I am living my life, where I am going, how it's all going to happen, but also with my friends, how we have lost friendships, even a friend in the process of finding ourselves. Ye that one line will always be the same, and always be true.

I might be trapped between the heartache of a romance that I know might never happen and if I want to be at school, and she might be confused on whether to drop out and “rub bitches.” But the great thing is, is that no matter what, I can look back on that moment, of pure tiredness, while she stroked the particles of water that ran down the cool plastic cup, staring at it and telling me that water was the most pure thing on earth; a glass full of pureness and honesty. To that moment on that god-awful, yet strangely inviting old couch, that no matter what we were going to face in our future, which ended up to be a lot, that no matter we would all float on.

Because it's completely true.

If you are ever having a bad day. Sit down, get a glass of water, put on your earphones and drown out to the simple melody of that song about a bad day that never went wrong.

And you know why it never went wrong?

That's right.

Because we'll all float on okay.

The Industrial Period

“Hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, and no clue as to where all the important bits are supposed to go.”

~Nick Hornby

     It's that time of year again. School is in full swing, classes are starting to get more intriguing (or so we hope that they do), homework is getting more daunting, time is getting wasted by all of the many entrancing finds of the internet. Parties are getting more and more crazy, the inebriation of unversed freshman is getting out of control.

     I can look around and see that life has started, and either I'm missing it, through dreams of how I anticipate the things that are happening around me, or apart of it, skirting along the edges of everyone else. It is hard to figure out when I am stuck in a group that I am not sure I actually belong in.
     We are in the industrial period.

     The pillars of smoke are all gone, and old wood houses make way for the new steel wonders that touch the sky with cold hands. We all step out into the light and everything is new; change is in the air, and it beats down on our faces as we inhale the last bit of the dust from the ashes of the battles.

     Our bodies covered in scars and cuts from the year before. Some have healed, while others are imprinted forever into our warming skin: boisterous and proud, yet never giving us peace.

     I watch as my friends are all in their own buildings, on the top floors watching down, now, on the tiny speckled pavements. Working their own jobs and gaining their own money, and I see them, for once....

     Happy.

     And that makes me happy.

     The industrial period is upon us, we are becoming our own people, creating new things for us to enjoy and for once we can. For once the battle is no where in sight... for now.

     It is time for us to keep building and moving forward, becoming happier. Because for once in our lives things are going somewhat right, even if they don't seem like it at the time.

Summer 2012 Playlist: Part One

• National Anthem- Lana Del Rey
• 3 Months in California- The Royal Sons
• The Gardener- Tallest Man on Earth
• Shampain- Marina and the Diamonds
• Put Your Graffiti on Me- Kat Graham
• Get a Job- The Gossip
• Apocalypse Dreams- Tame Impala
• Sunshine- Matisyahu
• Lemonade- CocoRosie
• Tongue Tied- Grouplove
• Soco Amaretto Lime- Brand New
• Youth- Daughter

Nostalgia

“Nostalgia- it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, ‘nostalgia’ literally means ‘the pain from an old wound.’ It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful then memory alone.”

~Don Draper; Mad Men, ‘The Carousel’

It’s unbearably hot outside. The heat has gotten to a high of 91 today. The highest it’s been so far, I think. I don’t expect it to go down for the next month or so. July always seems to be the hottest month of the summer, with August on its tail. Especially, it seems, in a town near the lake.

Despite the heat, however, I’m still drinking coffee. It’s my second cup and I am still going strong. For some reason it seems to soothe me and brings a sense of security to me. It reminds me of when I used to live in Great Falls; spending nights at my grand parents house and waking up to a maple-y smell of bacon and the strong accent of dark coffee. I knew it was being sipped on my both of my grand parents

I can remember heading up the steps from the basement, my eyes still groggy and the corners crusted just a little bit, my teddy bear stuck between my arm pit. Peaking through the door to see my grand mother sitting at her chair closest to the sliding glass door. A thin Virginia Slim cigarette hanging from between her aging fingers, in her hands a cup of coffee with Tweedy Bird on it.

It’s weird to look back on things. As if you open up a part of your heart and soul when you do it, bringing a bittersweet feeling that rushes over you.

It’s what I felt the other night when I went through old (and I mean old) yearbooks, yearbooks from my elementary school years at Valley View, in Great Falls. I flipped through the pages, looking at the black and white photos of the faces I grew up with. I could only imagine how they were like now. How much had they changed? Where were they? Are they in college? Have children, getting married? Questions soared through my head.

However, I didn’t want to know. I wanted my memories of them to stay un-tainted, full of the innocence we all used to have, or at least some of us. I wanted to remember them the way we had played on the playground, twirling on the bars in the ground, playing ridiculous games involving getting flushed down a toilet.

Now that I think about it, isn’t summer just one nostalgic trip? You are out of school, sure you might have a job, but you always remember what you did summers ago. You are constantly re-visiting your past year at college that was awesome. It brings back a twinge in your heart.

If that’s the case, I better start making some good memories to look back on—adding them to the constant pile that keeps growing inside of my heart.

XX

NEW BLOG POSTS TO COME SOON!

Just relax and breathe...

It's a College Life...

As Summer is quickly approaching, some of the world is graduating from high school and they are going to be so glad to be out of that place. A lot of them are getting ready for college, where they expect a lot of things to go down, including: parties, new friends, hot guys/girls, boy/girlfriends, drugs, drinking, getting good grades, clubs, foot ball games, being able to go to most raves, buying cigarettes. They have this preconceived notion that college is going to be wonderful and great!

Don't get me wrong, college is wonderful and great, but it's nothing as the movies depict it! So in honor of all my friends (and/or readers) who have just graduated, or are going to graduate next year from high school, here is a short list of what to expect in college. Some Do's and Do Not's etc.

Let's get started....

Do: Go out and have fun! College is not only about furthering your education to get a kick ass job and lots of money in the future, but also a place for you to grow. So don't be stuck inside your dorm room all the time studying away. Get out and go experience life! Go to a house party occasionally, go on random adventures with friends around town, explore your sexuality (but be safe), and let loose. The reason why you don't pick the hard classes your first two years is so that you can do all this and then get it out of the way.

 

Don't: Go out all the time! Yes, there is a point when going out and drinking and partying can really mess you up. Take it from me. Personal freaking experience, and it does not end pretty. If you do this, it is likely you won't get up for classes or just won't simply go. You can fall into a nasty habit of skipping out since you can. It will catch up with you and you will be kicking yourself afterwords.

 

Do: Skip class once and a while. Now, I know most people are like, 'Oh My God! Don't do that, don't listen to him! That's terrible! Go to all your classes and you'll get good grades!' Let's be honest though, sometimes you need to just have a mental health day. Thankfully in College you can take those! Maybe there is just a day that just feels off and you need to just go out with friends and shop, have coffee, or just stay in bed all day after a crazy party. Do it! You are allowed to! Just note that you know you can get homework or whatever you missed from a friend or a really nice classmate. If you can afford to skip a class or classes, do it! It helps out with stress too.

 

Don't: Skip class a lot! After skipping a class or two you get caught in this rut. Again, trust me... It gets to a point where you just end up not going anymore. Like above, it will have you kicking yourself in the end. Keep your priorities straight. If you know that you can't skip a class then don't! And whatever you do, never, never, never skip a class where attendance counts. Unless you are sick or have an emergency.

 

Don't: Become a 'Second-Floor Duniway Girl.' That's right you heard me. Now you maybe wondering, what is a 'Second-Floor Duniway Girl?' You see, this last year in one of the dorms we had this one hall (The second floor of Duniway) that was a girls hall, and let me tell you. Most of them Capital T-rashy. (Now not all of them, just a lot.) So what does being a 'Second-Floor Duniway Girl' entail? Puking in the halls, sinks, urinals, and/or water fountains (there is a toilet to help you with that, or a trashcan.) Peeing/defecating of any sort on the walls or in the hallway. Getting drunk before 9:00pm. Having many guys come back with you to your room in one night or just having lots of guys go to your room through the year (for obvious reasons,) because we all know what you are doing. Yelling to your friends and not friends in the halls, rooms, etc.

Now you might be a guy reading this and are probably like, 'Well I'm a guy, I can't be a 'Second-Floor Duniway Girl!'' False! Guys are just as apt to be a 'Second-Floor Duniway Girl' just as much as girls!

 

Do: Be classy for crying out loud. No matter the situation!

 

Do: Join clubs! It's the easiest, and best, way to make new friends in college! If you are too shy to talk to other kids in your class, join an interest group that they have on campus! It's free, fun way to meet people. Plus, you are usually forced to introduce yourself and answer some weird question so people can get to know you. Go at the beginning of the year, because that way you get stronger bonds for the rest of the year.

 

Do: Be open minded! There is nothing worse than a close-minded individual in college who will not open up. They come off as being rude and really insecure. Remember, there are so many different kinds of people out there in the world! Open your mind, even if you are really nervous about doing so. This is a time for you to grow and find yourself. You are starting on a clean slate to form your own ideas for your new lifestyle!

 

Don't: Spend all your refund money (if you get some) on crap! Put almost all of it away for something more important, like I don't know, student loans in the future! Put most of it away in a savings every semester and it'll collect interest, that way you can save up for an apartment, and other necessities for life in the real world. Keep some though in your pocket for some fun spending money but don't spend all of it at once!

 

Do: GO TO A DRAG SHOW! I don't care if you are straight, most people are at a Drag Show! They are great fun and usually really cheap! Also it's great place to go with girls or friends, because not only do you get to see some fierce bitches perform and get a whole new experience out of it, but also there is usually dancing after. It's great cause if you are in a place like Zoo, where they don't have any dance clubs, it's a great opportunity to go out and dance! Also, girls, it's a great way to not get hit on by a bunch of douche-bags like at most shows. And fellas, if you are out or closeted, it's a great way to get in touch with the gay scene and hello! Cute boys! 

• If it will be your first time at a drag show, here is a blog with some tips and pointers for you virgins. Virgins Click Here, Please.

Do: Join in events in your community and that are put on by the college. This is a great way to get to know the area and feel more like a local. Most people are all like, that is such a 'tourist' thing to do, but to be honest you get to meet some great locals. Also you learn a lot about the area and there is always amazing things to see like art shows, parties, and you can get invited to some really awesome stuff!

Do: BE SAFE!!! Use common sense! Just be safe whether it be going out or having sex. Even walking around campus at night! Just be safe and use your head!

So those are just a few tips and pointers I have for your college experience. I know I should post this more for when college actually comes around, but I thought I'd give you a taste of what you should do so you can adjust during the summer. Just remember, college is a place where you are going to explore your life. Your first year is usually really bad when it comes to balancing social life and school, but if you just go into it with no regrets, you will grow so much! Trust me on this.

XX

JW

Wide Awake

“Falling from cloud 9,

Crashing from the high,

I'm letting go tonight.

Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9.

I'm wide awake.”

~Katy Perry 'Wide Awake'

Summer has now begun, and we will go on with our lives as if the past year has never happened. As if it was just another year in our lives that came and went. However, for many of us, we are still stuck in that year. Stuck in the memories of feeling truly happy because of friends and experiences that made our lives feel great, even if it was for a brief moment. That is where I'm stuck. I know that is where a lot of others are stuck as well.

Coming back to a place you used to call home isn't the same. It is the old and you feeling you are only taking giant steps back from where you were in your life. That's what happened when I first walked in through my door of my small smurf blue house. I looked at the peeling paint of the white door, the old wooden steps painted hunter green, and I knew that I didn't actually want to be here. The first couple of days were great, but then I noticed something.

I am alone here. I would like to say I'm not, that I still have old friends but the truth is, I've moved on and so have they. I don't feel the same around them, I knew that when I came back for winter break. I have grown in a new direction and they are starting to as well. It makes me want to cry to be honest. It has made me cry, actually.

I am not the same person I was when I first left this little tourist town. I am a new me, and it's hard coming back here and not having the same things as I did in Zoo. There aren't parties to go get trashed at, there are no friends to go on random adventures with, there aren't any cute boys to flirt with (well, if there is they are in high school or straight, or both.)

However, the thing that I'm realizing, no matter how alone I will feel this summer, I have to make it up to myself to give myself a really good summer. Even if I am alone for half or a majority of it. It's exactly what is being stated in the quote from the song by Katy Perry. She is 'falling from cloud 9', but she is waking up to the life around her. That is what I have to do. That is what we all have to do if we are stuck in this place.

So I decided, if I can be in the Zoo, I will bring the Zoo to me! I mean, I feel like I fit in enough there anyways, and I never fit in here at home. So I will bring my A game here and I will stop feeling sorry for myself. I might be alone but the one thing I still have is my sense of adventure and imagination, and if that's all I can get this summer... I will rock the shit out of it.

So with that I want you to expect a whole lot of blogs this summer. Blogs keeping you updated in my 'gay life,' play-lists with some awesome new tracks to make your summer a little bit brighter, and whatever else my little head can think of. I will be using the best of what I have to at least make something of my summer! And if that means to become a great blogger and hopefully getting more readership, then so be it!

I am wide awake, and I'm ready for summer 2012 to begin... I just hope it's ready for me ;)

XX

JW

Welcome Home

“He nods, as if to acknowledge that endings are almost always a little sad, even when there is something to look forward to on the other side.”

~Emily Griffin, Love the One You're with

It's weird to be writing this right now. To know soon that everyone will be on their seperate ways. Some of us going back to our little houses back home in the towns where we grew up. Some moving into different small towns to find new beginnings for their selves—to do right for themselves once and for all. While others settle down in their new surroundings in the same place, with old friends and new friends to come.

I say it feels weird because it feels like this whole time went by so fast. It also went very slow as well. I am getting a weird feeling because I know that next year, when I return, same as ever or drastically changed, I will not be seeing the same people I have in the past year. This is our season finale, and I don't know how it's going to end yet since it hasn't happened. All I do know though is that the ride that I have had with the people here in this town has forever changed the way I will ever look at not only the world but myself.

I know that all sounds super super cliché, but it's very true. I haven't felt this variety of emotions so fast ever in my life. It was like all the emotions I ever felt through my life back home were all here and I was feeling all of them at a very small amount of time. I know I am not alone in this, but I can say if it weren't for half the people here, I don't know where I'd be.

I experienced my first everything here. My first time with Molly, my first acid trip, my first drunk black out, my first time having sex, my first time feeling like I had friends, my first time watching some ridiculous movies, my first time smoking pot, my first time going to a rave. I could go on and on, but I don't think I will bore you with the details.

However, if there is one thing I can take away from all of this, it's knowing that I am slowly finding out who I am and that I will never know where my road is going to take me. I could be stumbling down the road drunk with friends laughing, or in my bed crying over some douche bag of a guy. I do know that the future holds a huge freaking torch compared to the candle that was burning at the end of this year.

I am sad that I will not be seeing certain people after I leave, and but I know that everything really does happen for a reason. One of the only other things I learned with all of these wonderful people and this amazing place. Whether our paths cross again or not, everyone I have met here, has a special place in my heart, no matter what happens.

To sum this up, I'm going to say somethings to some people that need to be said:

Kat: You and I have gone through our differences. Our weird ups and downs, but over all, you and I have had a kick-ass time from our trips to Mordor to our trips up to South Hills to just over look the city and talk. I want you to know, no matter how much you talking about sunshine annoyed me, I loved that you could talk to me and I want you to know, even though you aren't coming back next year, I will always cherish our memories. Keep in contact Chola!

Nick: You had a rough time here, but every time I saw you and we were hanging with everyone, you always had a smile on your face and was looking towards the best. I applaud you for that. I want you to know I was glad you opened up to me while you were drunk that Sunday night at Mikes Memorial service. I'm only sad that I won't be able to talk with you more about stuff and I hope you know that you will always have friends here in Montana.

Mike: I know, I know, you are gone and this is weird to talk to someone you isn't living anymore in a blog post but dude, I love you. Stay peaceful up there and I miss the freaking crap out of you! Please watch over everyone as the year ends and make sure everyone is okay. I know you will but it's the only thing I ask of you know.

Keegan: You my friend, or ex-friend or whatever you wanna call our relationship, have been an amazing friend. From the first time I met you in Jake's garage to our very fun Valentine's day and everything between and after that. I'm only sad that we don't talk anymore and I know it will never be the same between us again, but I want you to know I have only respect for you. And a little annoyance, but hey, I'm sure I was the same way to you. Know that just because things didn't work out with a lot of us this year, that there will be others to show you the way and to comfort you like how we tried. You are never alone even if it seems like it. There is always someone that knows what you are going through and if you ever just want to talk, call me bro.

Sydney: I know we aren't as good of friends anymore as we were at the beginning of the year, but I will never forget you. Your sex humor and constant horny-ness always made my day. I know we had a bad falling out but maybe someday we can be friends again. If not, that's okay, but I want you to know that I do love you boo, and I always will!

Josh: Let's be honest, you were my first time and I know that's a lot of information to be putting in a blog but it needs to happen. You probably will never see this but that's okay. I'm sorry that I was never there for you before or after. I guess I was just young and immature. It's only an excuse I know but I didn't want to get close to you for some reason. I didn't want my heart to break so I used you then left. I'm really not that type of person but hey, it happened. I'm sorry that you have been going through so much and that I was never there for when you needed to talk. I hope life looks up for you later on in the year. Stay amazing.

There are a bunch of other people I want to talk to in this blog but it's not the time nor place for that or them. They don't belong here like these people do. Even if they don't ever read this or see this, at least it's out there for them to see and to think about.

This year is about over and we are all packing and busy with finals, but I know that even after we all leave, we will never forget the love we all have for each other. That is what keeps me living this life day by day. Knowing that I have people out there that really do care for me.

In the words of crazy and wise fiction writer Chuck Palahniuk (or Chucky P.) “The feeling is less like an ending than just another starting point.”

That's exactly what all of this is. It's not the end of the year or of friendships, but the starting point of new ones to enter and the others to continue. It's the starting point of new challenges for us all and you just have to look through to the end and know that no matter what, everything will be okay, even if it doesn't feel that way.

XX

JW

Fake it to make it...

It's hard to act happy when you're not.
But I feel like I had so much practice, I've got it down.
Sometimes you just have to fake it to make it, it's the only thing you can do, because sometimes you need to help the others around you.
It's what it all comes down to, I need to make sure everything else is taken care of... then I can rest...
Until then, I will continue to paste on my happy face in the morning, or just not see them so they never know...

XX
JW

Jagged Little Pill

“I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.”

~Jack Kerouac

It's weird to know exactly what I am going to write about. Usually it's 'C'mon Jerry, think think think think!' It's never just do. That was until Wednesday. My thoughts haven't stopped, not even the marijuana and booze calmed them down. I then realized that maybe that wasn't the way to go about things. Don't drown yourself in the things that possibly destroyed the life that you are mourning. I couldn't help it.

Wednesday I got drunk. The sweet taste of the Captain on my tongue, sliding down my throat and warming the insides of my body. I was lost. We all were and I could tell that I wasn't the only one feeling it, even if no one else said it. I wanted to cry, I could feel it coming but no tears would moisten my eyes. Instead I looked straight at the washed out curtains hiding the sad face of the window. Had this all really happened? Was this all a dream?

My thoughts wouldn't stop, I didn't know what to do. So I drank, but not even the company of friends pleased me at that moment. All I wanted right then was to be with him, Mike. I wanted to be talking with him right then about how I was lost and that I needed to find my way but I didn't know how. I wanted to tell him thank you for listening to me while I babbled on about boys, drugs, sex, and drama.

I could hear his gentle voice, which contrasted with his tough looking exterior.

“Don't worry Jerry,” he would say, his goofy smile across his face. “You need another shot is what you need.”

Then I would proceed to take another one and possibly one more with him. Instead I was taking a shot for him, not with him. It was simple to see that no one wanted to really be there, yet we all couldn't be alone, even though we didn't know what to think about the whole situation.

I could still remember gasping for breath in the UC as I clicked a picture of Mike on Facebook. It lead me to his page which was flooded with wall posts by people from Bozeman. I had read them all about three or four times to think, Oh my god, this isn't just a hardcore “trolling” scheme. Mike is... dead.

I made frantic phone calls, each time hearing the same response. Silence. It was the one thing I didn't want to hear at that point in time. I wanted to hear their voices to know that it wasn't real, I wanted them to tell me, no he is fine I'm talking with him now. It wasn't the case. All I heard was the agonizing and dreaded silence of my friends who wanted to the same fake response as me.

Through-out the night, none of us could believe someone so close to us was gone. I was looking at it now from the other side. It brought to light all the things I was feeling before, but in a different perspective, a new side of things that I hadn't experienced before.

As I drank, I sat and watched, much like the wallflower that I am. It was easy, but hard to do. Watch as these people argued about suicide, getting more drunk so they could mask their sorrows. No one was going to cry in front of each other. We all had to be strong and be there when the next person needed us; we didn't want a repeat to happen.

I watched and saw how my friends were acting to such depressing news and I wanted to yell at all of them to just stop and be quiet. I wanted to tell them to stop being angry at Mike. It brought me back to that numbingly cold night on the bridge, where I was faced with two decisions: End my life and feel happier, or continue my life for my friends.

I wondered that on the old orange couch that looked like it was from a bad '70s television show. Did Mike feel like he had to choose? Did that bring him down further? Did he even actually kill himself? Questions went through my head and I got on to the different possibilities.

If he did kill himself, I know that he knew what he was doing. By taking mass amounts of pills, he would think it was poetic. Ending his life with the very thing he was once addicted to; giving into the succumb of his addictions and loosing himself in them. He was a rational thinker. Just like me that night on the bridge.

No matter how angry it made my friends, or how selfish it made me seem, I was perfectly rational in my decision to end my life that night. I wasn't crazy, I wasn't psychotic, I didn't want to be hooked on prescriptions for the rest of my life. I knew exactly what my intent on jumping from the bridge, and it wasn't to hurt myself, my friends or family. Ending my life would make me happy once and for all.

The thing is, I could see Mike doing it for that reason, he was always rationally thinking. About everything. He was always somehow still him, still raw, still a big ball of emotions that made sure everyone was alright. He wasn't happy, never really happy. You could always tell, especially with nights when he started drinking a lot or doing a bunch of club drugs.

I couldn't help but think about how the tables were turned, how things actually went after this because I never have been through it. Wednesday night was a new experience that made me look over my life, my decisions, the people I called my friends. We all had a ton of unresolved issues Wednesday night.

It wasn't until stumbling back to my dorm, feeling the warmth of the Captain still in me, not leaving my stomach any time soon, that it hit me. Mike was gone, and he wasn't just gone on a visit to someplace, I would never see him again. I wouldn't be able to talk about my sexuality with someone like I could with him, I would never see that goofy drunk smile again, I would never be able to hear his honest opinion on things. He was gone forever. No coming back.

I stopped, a tear rolled down my cheek followed by a dam of water pouring down my face. I wanted to scream but I didn't want to scare someone on accident. I wanted to yell and be angry my voice stuck. I couldn't help but be jealous. I needed to talk to Mike and tell him what I was thinking. In that walk of tears I confessed my heart to Mike. I told him how I needed him to help me through this, I needed to know that he was truly alright and happy.

It was right after I asked for some sign to show me that he was alright that in the silence of my walk back to my dorm that I heard a single bird chirp. Now, however cheesy that seems, but after reading 'Buckeyes' that I finally understood the ending of it. No matter how cliché it was, it was true. The narrator of that book knew that the hawk was his father. It was that moment when that single bird was chirping that I knew, I knew that it was Mike. He was telling me that he was okay and that things would be fine.

I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover in the world, but strangely I felt relieved. I didn't feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness for the loss of my good friend, but rather a sense of refreshment for him.

However, while I felt better about things, Sunday night rolled around. Our day for our own personal memorial service and get together. By seven that night about everyone showed up. Fitting just about twenty people into Devan's little house was enough to make us all go a little crazy.

The night though, which I stressed to everyone, was about Mike. It was not ourselves and not our drama between each other. It was our time to put away our differences and come together for Mike and we did.

It was good for everyone, to see each others feelings, to see that we could all put aside our differences just for that time being. We shared our stories about Mike, how we all thought he was one of the purest person in our group of friends, mostly because he would tell you his honest opinion and not care about how you felt about it.

“He gave his whole heart when you only gave part of yours.” Kat spoke up.

It was true and we all took a moment after that to gather our thoughts and to let it all sink in. Of course the night ended in drunken tears and beautiful memories clouded in guava flavored smoke. It was at that point where I think most of us got closure of Mike's passing.

I see now, the other side of all of this. If I would have gone that fateful night at the bridge, maybe Mike might have saved himself. Maybe he would still be alive today and that would be what matters the most. Everyone was right, Mike had the most pure and beautiful soul I've ever known. He always helped people, no matter what, and I feel like I should have talked to him more after he left. I know it's no one's fault but now I know I can't leave my friends right now. I have to help them through this and if there is one thing Mike taught me, it was to help your friends and fake it till you make it. It is now that I also understood what Jack Kerouac said about a man living on in us after he dies, because there is no doubt that Mike is in all of us right now, giving us the courage to bring ourselves out more, even if it is in a purple tele-tubby suit, riding a skate board and smoking a cigarette while trying to pick up chicks like him. No matter what it is, Mike will always be with us and is giving us the consciousness of life.

'We are all mad here.'

I don't know what to do.
I want to leave,
runaway but I don't know how.
Can I just leave it all, everything, my family, friends, this life
and just start new?
I don't know what to do.

Skeleton Me

 “I live for the nights I can't remember with the people I'll never forget.”

If there is one thing in this world that I have learned this past weekend was that I the world can never have too many drunk nights. I know, that sounds super trashy of me, and I'm always like, yeah I'm classy and keep it that way. But sometimes you need those weekends where your rules and morals are thrown out the window. That was my weekend.

The great thing about this weekend was the fact that it started out on Thursday night, right around 5:30 pm. It didn't end until about 1 am Monday morning, or Sunday night whatever way you look at it.

It was this weekend that I found something out. It could have been the drugs and alcohol, but it opened my mind to something I thought I had already knew. I have been with the wrong people for a very long time. You might be wondering, what do you mean? Wrong people? And if you are those people, I'm sure you know who you are, I'm sorry. I'm not saying this to be mean or rude, but it's the truth and I'm working on being honest. This doesn't mean I want to be your friend, it just means that I have found a niche of people that I fit in better with.

It was Friday night that this realization came into my head. At once my heart felt like it was in the final lap for the Stanley Cup almost reaching the finish line and being first. I was flooded with all these different emotions, and stepping outside was not in my cards, I couldn't handle the cold at that point. So I sat down on the wood floors of a friends house. It was then that I looked around: Kat was cuddled up next to Chris, who was very drunk but seemed to be enjoying himself as Kat was petting his arm. A very lovely curly haired girl laid down in my lap, her arms wrapping around my leg, my hand getting lost in her curls. The sound of our friend in the back bedroom with the signs of having a too good of a night.

It was this simple picture that got me. It was simple and I was not feeling like I needed to leave or needed to get more fucked up. I was okay with where I was at. No I was beyond happy with where I was at and who I was with. I realized, I have been spending my time with the wrong people.

Again, don't seem offended but the people I would hang out with constantly before, I guess I was just around them tooooo much. I also feel like they don't understand me. I can't talk to them like I can talk to the group I was with at that moment on Friday and I realized why their bond was so strong with each other.

It was the fact that they could talk to each other about things and not feel judged, and that their feelings will be reciprocated. They are truly there for each other. That's what I want, and I know I have those but it seems that I haven't felt that way for a very long time except for with certain people like momma Drake, and very few other people.

It was this group that got me to stop and look at what I was with and what I was missing out on. Even the next day when I went back and hung out with the other group, I wasn't as happy.

I realized it. I realized why I didn't feel like I fit in. It is because they are still so young and innocent. Not saying that I'm old, I mean most of them are a year or two older than me, but they haven't experienced as much as I have, they aren't on my same level of things in where our lives are. For instance, while they are wanting to go watch a movie, or smoke a bowl, I will be wanting to go out and meet people and have fun. I don't want to just drink in a dorm room and that be it. No, I want to go to a random house party and meet new people and experience new things. They aren't ready for that.

They want to have a boyfriend, I want to have some one night stands. They want to go and walk, I want to go fuck something up. They want to talk about drama, I want to talk about and have sex.

My innocence is gone. I got that. But I can't pull myself back to other peoples levels so I can try to have a good time. I have to go out on my own and find others that are on my level. That's when I can find where I truly belong. I can't hold myself back, I have to go forward or else I'm just repeating the past again and for the longest time I felt like I was. With the old group of friends I had in Polson. They were too innocent. I was not. I was never happy with them. I want to be happy.

I am just happy that I have found the people that I have on that Friday night. They are the ones that have changed my life. They are the ones that I want in my life.

XX
JW

Teach Me How to Carrie

To be a columnist or to not be a columnist, that seems to be the question that is going on in my head right now. You see the University newspaper is hiring columnists and cartoonists. Yes, you did read that correctly, hiring! I saw that and just about sh*t myself. I mean I can get paid for writing about my opinion to about 4000+ people across this city! That's huge! It's something I've always wanted to do! I mean, sure my blog is nice, but the viewership I could be getting if I was a columnist, that would be amazing! Or I hope it would be.

You see from a very young age I always wanted to write stuff people would read. I even remember watching “Sex and the City,” (cliché I know, and out of order so I had no clue what was going on!) and I loved what Carrie did. I've never told anyone but I wanted to be like Carrie when I grew up. Living the “posh” life in New York, having lots of clothes, close friends, and parties galore! I wanted to write about it all.

I wanted to have a column where people would go and send me fan mail and get me noticed just enough to write a book (or maybe a couple). All I knew was that I wanted to be a writer just like her.

Maybe I was meant to see this, it was a sign from the all knowing universe that has been kicking my butt lately. I would like to believe so, anyways.

However, if I got this opportunity, I could give them a more diverse view on things. Being gay and growing up in Montana, you learn how to get a different view on things and find others with the same views. Because of that I have a very diverse group of people I know all around the city, that could give me inspiration and ideas to write about as well as getting a different audience as well. I can also help with giving more information about the LGBT community and events coming up. I think on this campus it's important to get this diverse voice out there for people to read and collect.

So see, I feel like I'm perfect for this opportunity. Or at least I would like to think I am...

Also... why are there so many attractive people on this campus? (I think that though is for another blog...)

XX

JW

An Internal Monologue

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?”

~Albert Einstein

I think I am going insane.
I know, I know. I have said this many times before, but I finally think it's true.
I am going completely insane. Soon my sentences will be unbarable to even look at or write.
I don't know why I'm writing this either.
I don't know what to blame my loss of sanity on either, because we all know that you don't just go insane. That would be silly.
I want to say I blame the drugs... maybe the alcohol... or maybe it's the stress of school and friends and trying to find a job.
Maybe it's my family. Or the lack there of.
Maybe it's my mind that's broken, or this stupid book that is getting to me.
Could it be the music? CocoRosie might not be sane music, but it shouldn't drive me insane should it?
I can't stop thinking and it's scaring me. All I do now is think, think, think.
Sometimes I think I don't have any friends, sometimes I think I have too many. Other times I feel like I just need to fly away, like a flamingo. Fly away to some tropical place to get my thoughts straightened out, cause isn't that what the commercials tell us to do?
Maybe it's the fucking media?
They are everywhere.
Who knows, it could be my roommate.
Can anyone listen? Will you understand?
They never understand. It's me against the world, because that's what I'm meant to believe due to the media.
Fucking media.
I am going insane, I know it. Look at this blog post? Have you not seen anything more none sane?
I cry a lot now. I don't know why. I can't help it.
I can't sleep a lot now either. I don't know why. I just don't.
I wish I had motivation, but I don't.
I wonder what's wrong with me.
Oh yeah... I'm going insane.

XX

Finding _________ (Marble House)

“The moment we believe that we have never met
Another kind of love it's easy to forget
When we are all alone then we do both agree
We have a thing in common this was meant to be...”

~The Knife- “Marble House”

One of the saddest realities that we all have to face at sometime in our lives if the fact that we can find someone and see them for a total of an hour and know that you will never see them again. You can hope and wish and pray to see them again, but then in sneaks the depressing reality that you will never see them again. You tell your friends, they tell you that you never know that if you will never see them again. You know, though. You know.

What is the worst part is that you can stop thinking about that person you met for a mere hour. That person who seemed to just make a big impression in your mind and you aren't quite sure how. It gets into your brain and wiggles its way into your head and dies in there. Stinking up your life and you can't help but always come back to the thought, well if I only would've just talked with them, if only I did take his friends advice and hooked up with him... If only...

It's the only thing that can go through your mind and you beat yourself up over all of it. It gets to the point where you are having dreams about this person and you don't even know them, yet you can't help any of it. In your dreams you are trying to find them and get them to notice you but you can't, or they won't. You get a friend with you to drive you around the busy streets of downtown, but still no luck. You travel to strange night clubs, music filling your veins as you get drunk off of the touch of a lonely girl in the corner. You search in this wonderland of sorts. Nothing still.

The only hope you have now is that maybe one day you will see them again and maybe something will happen.

Until then... you keep on living. Or try to.

XX
JW

The Stress of Being a Wallflower

I thought things were going better. That is until yesterday night, I was reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and for some reason I knew what this book was about and it saddened me. I can't explain what I felt at that moment to tell me how I understood the book right in that section but I just did. For some unexplainable reason.

I've never had friends I could make mix tapes for. I've never been apart of something grand like Charlie has. There are only a few people that have made me feel that way. Otherwise I am a wallflower amongst “wallflowers.” I am by myself and I can accept that... I think.

The reason why I'm bringing this up is because I think I understand why my “friend” group is so divided and so hateful towards each other behind each others backs. No one listens. All they do is talk and they don't stop when it's important stuff, because now that they were told the burden of someone else, for some reason they feel that they now have that burden apart of them, even though it's not, and they need to share it with someone else.

Our information that we think is staying between one to two people is getting thrown around and used by each other like a very confused prostitute.

We think we can share things in confidence and not have that person tell anyone, because when you trust someone that's how it is supposed to go. It's when that trust is broken that you don't know who to turn to so all of the stress comes crashing down on you and you end up at the side of bridge, looking at how the water is calling your name so seductively.

What's even worse though, is that you know that they are talking about you after you show them that you are even just a slightly bit pissed. They talk about why you shouldn't be pissed and say some half way rude things because that is how it goes.

I want my friends to read this and know because it's my turn to talk.

It's my turn to express myself and not be the bystander that has to hear all of your crap about everyone else!

I know this all seems a bit angry, and it's probably not good that I'm writing this in a very angry mood but it needs to be said.

So to all my friends, if you read this, you know who you are, get over yourselves and start thinking about others, or your so called friends. Because when you only do the talking, and a lot of you do, it's hard for others who are dealing with the same thing to help you! And right now I'm done with helping because I'm not getting any reciprocation from a lot of you.

I need my voice to be heard too.

I know this sounds needy but I feel like I don't talk enough about me to my friends group. It seems to be always what's their problems and I'm tired. I can't do it anymore and I'm weeping while I type this because I can't.

I can't be there when you won't be there. And I know most of you are like, no I'm here for you I was there for you. But were you really? Think about it. “Be a filter, not a sponge.”

XX

JW

First Day of My Life

“When a man won't listen to his
conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total
stranger.”
~Lindsey Stewart

Sometimes your whole world can change
with one conversation with a total stranger. Sometimes that stranger
doesn't need to do anything, sometimes what that stranger says can
bring you peace to something that refuses to diminish inside of you.
Sometimes a stranger is all you need in your life, even if it's for a
brief period of time.

We are all on a journey. A journey of
self discovery where you get to find out who you are as a person.
Along the way you hit some bumps and get lost or stray away from
where you want to go. There can even come a time where you seem like
you are going in one direction and you end up right where you began.

Say you are on a street taking a walk
and you come up to a corner and you have to choose left or right, you
choose right. Then you come to another turn and you choose right
again then one more time and you end up right back where you started.
You go again and keep choosing right and each time you end up back at
that same spot.

It's at that point where that stranger
comes into your life and you tell them why you keep choosing right.
Soon it becomes apparent, they talk to you some more and convince you
to maybe go... left? You go left. It's a whole new journey from
there, and only you will see where it takes you. Then you it's pretty
soon you are going on your own and you are exploring new places, new
faces, you are trying new things.

It's that little amount of time you
talked with that stranger that has helped you choose a different
direction that got you to where you are today or later in life.
However, sometimes that stranger needs to become a friend, by seeing
them a couple times more, but soon you are off on your own and you
are doing wonderful.

My point in all of this is that
strangers are here to help you. A person to talk to and give you
their ideas of what you just told them. You need someone to
reciprocate what you just said back to you without it being clouded
with judgment that you might get from a friend or a family member.

It's just crazy how much of an impact
that one stranger can do in your life to make you see the light in
everything, whether it be helping you learn from your mistakes or
helping you find the light in your future. Don't take them for
granted.

Because everyone needs a little help
from a stranger.

XX
JW